


Nothing But My Aching Soul

by ariadnerue



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 13:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3898825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariadnerue/pseuds/ariadnerue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her voice was close, but she felt nothing.  No breath on her neck, no warm body at her back, no soft hand on her shoulder.  She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut tighter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing But My Aching Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Young & Beautiful by Lana del Rey.
> 
> I've lamented recently that I'm incapable of writing angst. Today I intend to change that.
> 
> (As if the creampuffs need anymore angst)
> 
> (Also I wrote this in 45 minutes at 2am so let's see what happens)
> 
> (Sorry)

“Carm.”

Carmilla woke immediately at the sound of her name, but she stayed still. She kept her eyes clenched shut, waiting.

“Carm, wake up.”

Her voice was close, but she felt nothing. No breath on her neck, no warm body at her back, no soft hand on her shoulder. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut tighter.

“Carmilla please,” Laura sighed. “You have to eat something.”

“It’s only been three days, cupcake,” Carmilla muttered, the concern in Laura’s tone too much to ignore any longer. She sat up slowly, joints cracking. “I’ll be fine for a few more days.”

“I know,” Laura replied, and Carmilla could already hear her tone pick up slightly just from her sitting up. “But I’m worried about you.”

Carmilla shook her head, eyes still shut. Her mouth curved up in a sad half-smile.

“You don’t have to be worried about me,” she whispered. Then she opened her eyes and stiffened when she realized she wasn’t in her own bed. She was in Laura’s.

Carmilla finally turned away from the wall and there was Laura, sitting on the edge of Carmilla’s bed, watching her.

“You um…” Laura began slowly, unable to meet the vampire’s eyes. “You got up during the day and got into my bed. You… you were sleep walking, I think.”

Carmilla glanced toward the window. It was dusk, the stars just starting to fade into view in the sky. She looked back at Laura, who was fidgeting with her hands in her lap.

“Right…” Carmilla murmured. “Sorry.”

“No no, it’s fine. You seemed to sleep better after you moved anyway.”

They sat in tense silence for a few moments. It was thick and heavy and Laura broke first.

“I think you still have some blood left in the fridge,” she blurted, getting to her feet. “I can um…”

“Stop,” Carmilla snapped immediately, her eyes going wide with panic, and Laura stopped in her tracks, hand poised to tug open the door of the refrigerator. Carmilla swallowed hard. “Don’t… I mean I can…”

“Right,” Laura said tightly, shaking her head and clenching her hand into a fist. She dropped it to her side and took a step back from the fridge. “Sorry, I…”

“It’s fine,” Carmilla cut her off. She realized belatedly that she was clenching her fingers on the edge of the bed so hard she could hear the mattress creaking, so she quickly let go. When she looked back up, Laura had sat herself back on the edge of Carmilla’s bed and was watching her again.

“I’d just… I’d feel better if you ate something,” she said softly. “I’m still going to worry, even if you tell me I don’t have to.”

Carmilla couldn’t stop the smile that reached her face. It felt like a betrayal, but she couldn’t help herself. She rolled her eyes and got to her feet, trying to ignore the way Laura’s eyes lit up when she walked over to the fridge and poured herself a glass of blood.

“There,” she sighed, taking a long drink as she sat back down on Laura’s bed. “Happy?”

Laura blushed and looked down, trying to hide her grin.

“Yes. Thank you.”

Another silence followed, this one less tense but still heavy. Carmilla kept her gaze on the ceiling as she drank, until a small sound of discomfort from Laura drew her eyes back down. Apparently the noise had been involuntary, as Laura was biting her lip and staring rather fixedly at Carmilla’s mouth. The vampire cleared her throat and Laura’s eyes snapped up to hers.

“Oh,” Laura said simply, eyes going wide as another blush crept up her neck. “Sorry. You just um…” She clenched her hands together in her lap and looked down at them. “You lick your lips every time you take a sip and I um…”

Once upon a time, Carmilla would have laughed at that. How adorable she was. But now, she just clenched her jaw and looked away. She felt guilty for it, and it burned.

“Sorry,” she sighed, shoulders sagging. “I didn’t realize I did that. I’ll… try to stop.”

“Carm, you don’t have to stop,” Laura laughed, exasperated. She got to her feet again, moving toward Carmilla, her hands stretching out toward her, and for a moment Carmilla let herself forget. For just a moment, she pretended. But it didn’t last. She flinched back before Laura could reach her.

“Don’t,” she blurted, and Laura once again stopped in her tracks. “Please, just…”

“I’m sorry,” Laura cut her off immediately. She stepped back, hands clenching into fists again. Carmilla could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes and it made her chest hurt. “I’m sorry, I just… I forget, and…”

“Stop apologizing,” Carmilla sighed, dropping her head into her hands. She was so tired. “Just… sit next to me, please?”

“Of course.”

The bed didn’t move. There was no warmth at her side, no scent. But when Carmilla looked up, she was there, sitting beside her with two feet of careful space between them.

“None of this is your fault, Laura,” Carmilla said slowly. “Stop saying you’re sorry.”

“It’s not your fault either, Carm,” Laura bristled. “You couldn’t have known… I mean how could anyone have known _this_ would happen?”

_This._ The Blade couldn’t take immortal souls. So it took the next mortal one it could reach.

“It just figures,” Carmilla sighed. “I try to do something selfless for once in my life and it ends up hurting you.”

“I’m not hurt,” Laura shrugged. Carmilla gave her a look. “I mean… I’m not in any pain or… anything.”

“No, you’re just lying comatose in Styria General.”

Laura fell silent and Carmilla let out a long, slow breath. Her chest hurt and her eyes stung and she hated this.

“I miss you,” she whispered, and she heard Laura take a shaky breath beside her.

“I’m right here, Carm,” Laura replied just as quietly, scooting a few precious inches closer.

Carmilla let out a sardonic laugh. Laura did the same, and the sound didn’t fit her. She sighed heavily.

“I miss you too,” she murmured.

Carmilla felt her whole body ache with the way Laura’s voice sounded. So defeated. Carmilla’s hand moved before she could stop herself, reaching over to cover Laura’s fingers with her own.

But her hand went right through her.

They both stared for half a second before Carmilla jumped to her feet.

“Goddammit,” she breathed, running her hands through her hair.

“Carm-”

“Why do you stay here?” Carmilla snapped, pacing anxiously between their beds. “Why don’t you stay with your body at the hospital?”

“I want to be with you, Carm.”

“This is torture, Laura.”

“I know, but I can’t…”

“What?”

“I can’t be away from you,” Laura snapped, standing angrily and moving into Carmilla’s space. “You know this, Carmilla. I’ve told you. I don’t feel like myself when I’m not with you.”

Carmilla dropped her hands to her sides helplessly.

“But if you really want me to go, I’ll go,” Laura said, her voice lower now that Carmilla wasn’t pacing and shouting.

“Stay,” Carmilla blurted immediately. Tears welled in her eyes and she sat back on Laura’s bed heavily. “I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry. Please stay. Please.”

Laura wavered on the spot, reaching forward reflexively to wipe away Carmilla’s tears and stopping herself before she got too close. Instead, she sat back down on the edge of Carmilla’s bed.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said firmly, and Carmilla looked up at her. She smiled sadly. “I promise.”

“We’ll figure this out,” Carmilla whispered, almost to herself, as she wiped her eyes.

“I know,” Laura sighed. “And until then… I’m right here, with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> ...Sorry.


End file.
